Dating a pleaser
We strive to be lovable and charitable and reject character traits that we decide won’t serve that goal.
We can end up squelching entire chunks of our personality that are incompatible, like showing anger, winning competitions, exercising power, getting attention, setting boundaries, or disagreeing with others.
We feel guilty expressing any needs, if we’re even aware of them.
We consider it selfish to act in our self-interest.
Even when not asked, we willingly give up separate interests that would mean time away from a loved one.
We may miss earlier times when we were happier or more independent.feels harsh, setting limits feels rude, and requesting that our needs be met sounds demanding.Some of us don’t believe we have any rights at all.If we bother to reflect on all this, we may wonder how we got into such a mess and question our fundamental belief that pleasing is the road to acceptance.Although there are other people who to be cooperative and kind, we don’t feel as if we have a choice.
It’s not surprising that we’re often attracted to someone who is the opposite of us – whose power, independence, and certitude we admire.